Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Anxiety

I'm so blessed (*sarcasm*). Not only am I BiPolar but I also can have a severe amount of anxiety. If you've ever had someone sit on your chest...that's pretty much how it feels. Like someone is sitting on my chest - a heavy, scary, suffocating feeling that won't go away and makes my whole body tense. It comes on randomly, not necessarily for any reason or cause. And if it lasts long enough it can bring me to tears and shaking as if I were standing naked in a snowstorm.

It's been happening more and more at work lately. Which sucks. Because I sort of need to concentrate here. I can't stand the politics and I often feel really stupid when it comes to "seeing the bigger picture". Some of the language people in higher up positions use is so ... not understandable. Talk to me like I'm 5, mmm kay?

Where as I try to get straight to the point...most meetings end up taking an hour while my coworker massages her message...to the point. I'm usually very confused about what the actual point was after such meetings. My boss is also one of those high level thinkers ... I rarely know what the heck he's talking about and I often feel very stupid. I sometimes cannot believe they hired me! I constantly have to ask questions in order to do my job.

And look out if I actually think I know what I'm doing because inevitably something will happen to prove me wrong. I've been in this same position for three years now and I still sometimes feel like I just started. *sigh*

45 minutes left to my day and I cannot wait to escape!

1 comment:

Lady Language said...

Many artists are trapped in jobs they don't enjoy and some of those "high level" thinkers may think, but they can't do. I think a lot of talented women suffer from anxiety, some diagnosed, and others not. I hope you have a better day tomorrow!